


Salvation

by Valentia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comforting Castiel, Fluff, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Season/Series 11, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:11:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5786431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valentia/pseuds/Valentia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel knew that they would set the Darkness free if they got rid of the Mark of Cain on Dean's arm. But he just had to save his righteous man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Salvation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, it's me again. :)  
> I wrote this story completely in English first, so as always sorry if there are mistakes. Please tell me if there are, that would really help.  
> Moreover, I wrote this story during the hiatus, so some things may not fit to the canon. It takes place somewhere at the beginning of season 11 when they are all reunited in the bunker again.  
> I hope you like this little story. Kudoas are always aprecciated. <3

Dean had been thinking that, after the apocalypse, there couldn't really be anything worse threatening the world, but as it turned out, he had been wrong. Dean was sure that the darkness was worse than the apocalypse, way worse. It was the oldest thing to ever exist, it was pure evil, and how would they ever be able to fix that?

But there was more to it. It had already been a surprise when Amara had just washed over them without hurting the Impala or Sam and him in any way, but what Dean heard when he was first talking to Castiel again in the bunker (after the curse had subsided, leaving Cas and Crowley wrecked, but not dead) was worse than anything Dean had ever heard from anyone before.

When Rowena had figured out the spell and had told Castiel the ingredients, Cas had remembered everything. He had remembered that one story about his brother Lucifer and how the mark was the key to keep the darkness locked away. But the most important thing: He had known about the consequences there would be if they removed the mark from Dean, leaving it without an owner. Cas had known everything, and still he had done it without hesitation, to save Dean.

Now there was no word in any language to say how Dean felt about that. Now they were standing in the bunker, staring at each other in an uncomfortable silence filled with burning rage and guilt and shame, and Cas had just told Dean that he had destroyed the world _in full awareness just to save him_ , and Dean couldn't do anything else but stare at his angel in pure disbelief.

His voice was croaky when he started to speak.

“You _knew_ about it?!”

And Dean certainly didn't hide his upcoming anger.

“I did,” Cas replied calmly. “Every angel knows about it, knows about our brother's history. I remembered it all when I heard about the ingredients for the spell.”

“The hell, Cas?! What were you _thinking?!_ ”

Yes, Dean was angry. Angry and disappointed. Hadn't Cas learned _anything_? All Dean was ever bringing to the world was destruction, and every time Cas saved him he felt worse, because in the end he himself was the reason the whole damn world was going down.

Cas squinted his eyes. “What was I thinking?!” He hesitated for a moment, obviously feeling offended that Dean didn't even thank him a little bit for saving him again. His voice was rougher as he continued. “I was trying to _save you_ , Dean. The past year, all I wanted was to remove that mark from you! I was doing the right thing!”

“ _You just destroyed the damn world!_ ” Dean shouted, but Cas didn't flinch. He was just standing in front of Dean with his blue sparkling eyes, stiffening even more with each word Dean said, but he didn't blink or move at all. “You unleashed the freaking _darkness_ , Cas! Just for saving me? You think I _want_ this?”

Now Cas was getting angry, too. “What was I supposed to do, Dean? Watch you murder the world? Cut you to pieces and bury each part somewhere else? See you become a demon again? I couldn't do that. I saved you so many years ago, because you are supposed to _live_.”

“But at what _cost?_ ”

His loud voice echoed off the walls.

Cas didn't answer. And Dean was done.

_“Dammit Cas, you should have left me in Hell!”_

Cas still didn't say a word. There was silence for a second, and Dean couldn't stand Cas' rigid gaze anymore. He was feeling his heart pounding fast in his chest, and then he focused back on Castiel, who was taking a step closer to him now, tilting his head.

Dean eventually met his gaze, and what he saw wasn't anger or rejection, and it wasn't regret either. It was sympathy with a touch of compassion.

Cas' voice was soft and quiet as he began to speak. “Dean, after all these years, after all the good things you've done, after all the people you've helped... you still think you don't deserve to be saved.”

But Dean didn't want Cas' compassion. He didn't want it, because he knew that he didn't deserve it, not at all. Cas was _wrong_ when he thought that saving Dean over and over again was doing any good to anyone.

“Yes, Cas, I do. And you know why? Because everything I could ever do was break the world!”

Cas looked sad. “That's not true.”

Dean overheard him. There was the anger coming back, anger about himself that he had brought so much pain to the people he loved and to the world. And he was sure he sounded bitter and desperate as he continued, but he didn't care, because maybe he just was.

“If I hadn't come back, the apocalypse would have never happened, Sammy would be living his apple pie life, you would still be flying around in Heaven, and the angels would have never fallen. I kill all the people I love, just because I _exist_ , don't you see that?! Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Kevin, Charlie. They would all still be alive if it wasn't for me!”

Cas stiffened. He raised his head a little, his arms clutching at his trench coat. Dean was looking for any kind of reaction on his face, but there was nothing. Cas' eyes were empty and his face was blank.

“If this is what you really still believe in, then there is nothing else to say.”

And before Dean could reply anything, Cas was gone. The sound of his wings echoed in Dean's mind, leaving him alone with no-one but himself.

There was pure silence now and that made Dean more uncomfortable than ever.

“Cas?” Dean asked gradually when he felt that he couldn't stand it anymore. His voice was low and he concentrated on reaching Cas with his prayer, but there was nothing but void in his head.

“Cas, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I'm sorry, I just-” He ran a hand over his face, inhaling deeply. “I'm sorry. I know you always want to do the right thing, I really do, but damn, buddy, you have a talent for screwing things up when you're trying to do the right thing.”

Dean stopped and waited for a few seconds, but Cas didn't show up and Dean closed his eyes. “Dammit, Cas, don't leave me standing here now...”

Dean felt himself breaking more and more every second Cas wasn't with him. His voice was barely more than a whisper now, but Cas heard it anyway.

In fact, Cas was hearing everything as he was standing right in front of Dean, in a dimension Dean's senses were too dull to perceive, listening closely and trying to fight the urge to either slap Dean in his face or wrap his arms around him.

Dean clenched his fist as he opened his eyes, hoping that he would see Cas in front of him, but all he saw was the bunker's door and the table and the stairs and no Cas anywhere.

Dean's lips formed the word _“Please”_ and Cas couldn't help himself anymore.

He appeared again and Dean jerked in surprise.

“Jeez, Cas, don't do that!”

“What is it, Dean?”

Cas had heard Dean's apology, but he wanted to hear it again. He wanted Dean to look into his eyes and tell him that he was sorry. But more importantly, he wanted Dean to see that saving him wasn't a fault and would never be, because he was the best thing that had ever happened to earth in all those millennia, especially to Castiel himself.

Dean lowered his gaze, ashamed of himself for being the desperate and broken man he had become.

“I'm sorry, Cas. For shouting at you. I know you always want to do the right thing, but-”

“I know”, Cas said, acknowledging Dean's change of mood, a small smile appearing on his face. “I know I kind of _'suck at'_ doing the right thing.”

He chose his words carefully and the way they sounded coming from him made Dean smile a little bit, too.

“You could have said thank you, though,” Cas added and Dean nodded.

“Yeah, _yeah_ , thank you.”

“Always,” Cas said, and the sincerity in his voice made Dean's heart skip a beat.

Dean hadn't really thought much about how many times Cas had saved him - or Dean had saved Cas. Though unspoken, they both knew they couldn't live without each other. And to be honest, if Cas had had the mark, Dean would have saved him, too. And right now, by the way Cas was looking at him - forgiving, _adoring_ \- Dean saw that Cas knew that, too.

“So, we're good then?” Dean asked, gaping at the angel in front of him, who was still standing there despite of all the bad Dean had done to his father's creation.

Cas raised his hand and gently laid it onto Dean's arm, right where his hand print used to be. “Yes, we're good,” he affirmed, his gravely voice sounding surprisingly quiet in the width of the room.

“Okay,” Dean said.

“Okay.”

Then Cas lowered his hand, and Dean couldn't stand the cold that followed the loss of his touch, so he grabbed Cas' forearm part-way, clinging onto it for dear life.

“I appreciate it, Cas. Everything. You- I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, so, really, thank you. Forget that I ever said anything else.”

Cas smiled fondly, a sight that was more satisfying than killing Amara could ever be.

Dean didn't let go of Cas' arm, and Cas didn't seem to mind at all.

“Don't worry about it, Dean. I know.”

Dean cleared his throat. “Good, that's good.”

“Yes.”

They both looked at the spot where Dean was still holding Cas' forearm, but instead of removing his hand, Dean let it slide downward until his palm was brushing the back of Cas' hand. Then all it took was Castiel to turn his hand and interlace their fingers until Dean realized just why they kept saving each other again and again.

“I hope you're alright now, Dean,” Cas whispered, his breath hitching as he leaned his forehead against Dean's.

“Yeah... Yeah I'm good.”

And for once, that wasn't even a lie.


End file.
